When Depression and Anxiety Affect Intimacy: How to Rekindle Your Connection as a Couple

Depression and anxiety can significantly affect intimacy in a relationship. Some people go through phases when they feel little to no desire to be intimate with their partner, even though they love them very much, and others feel this way almost all the time. This can often cause frustration and confusion, especially if one person has depression and/or anxiety and the other doesn't. Physical and emotional intimacy is an integral part of any romantic relationship. Focusing on ways and actionable tips to navigate these challenges can help couples maintain closeness even during trying times.   

Be Patient  

Having patience with yourself and your partner is paramount in any relationship, but it's important to understand just how much depression and anxiety can impact a person's desire for intimacy. When your partner isn't feeling up to being intimate, avoid pressuring or judging them, as this could worsen the situation.  

Be Open to Hearing About Their Needs  

Everyone should feel like they have a partner open to hearing about their wants and needs. Someone who has depression and anxiety can find it even more challenging to open up and express how they're feeling.

Be the type of partner they can turn to and openly communicate with, especially when times get tough. You can't force them to communicate with you, but you can be a safe space that encourages them to do so.  

Communicate Openly About Your Needs  

Your needs and wants cannot be forgotten about, even though your partner has depression and/or anxiety. Your feelings matter and are important, and you should be able to express them freely.

Communicate your wants and needs, but do it in a healthy way and at the right time. For example, if your partner walks in after a particularly tough day at work, that's not an ideal time to have a serious conversation about intimacy. Wait until both of you are in a good headspace, calm, and in a place where both of you can express your thoughts and feelings and hear out the other person.  

Make Realistic Suggestions  

It's crucial to make realistic suggestions for improving intimacy that both of you are capable of doing at that time. For instance, if both of you work 12-hour days, having a date night four times per week may not be doable. 

Make realistic suggestions that work for both of you individually and as a couple. Some options may include having an evening glass of wine and conversation together one night per week, having a date night out every other week, putting little surprises in each other's work bags at least twice per week, and having sex once per week.   

Prioritize Touch  

Not everyone appreciates the same level of touch, and it may fluctuate depending on their current level of anxiety or depression. Being verbally open about their current and general levels is crucial for both people.

Physical touch is often a vital part of being in a relationship, but it doesn't just pertain to sex. For example, holding hands, cuddling, giving massages, kissing, and hugging your partner are just some ways to bring more intimacy to the relationship.  

Do Activities Together  

Doing activities together is a great way to build more intimacy in a relationship. Even small bits of time together, such as watching your favorite show, cooking, taking evening walks, taking road trips, and grocery shopping, can make a difference.   

Create a Calming Atmosphere  

It can be difficult for a person experiencing depression or anxiety to thrive in a chaotic environment. Both you and your partner should strive to create a calming home atmosphere as much as possible. You can do that in many ways, in addition to being loving and kind to each other. For example, you can put flameless candles around your home, use dimmer switches, use comfortable and cozy blankets, and set the thermostat to a comfortable temperature.  

Attend Couples Therapy  

Attending couples therapy can be a major way for both of you to navigate anxiety and depression individually and as a couple. It can be helpful for a professional neutral party to answer questions and offer constructive criticism about improving intimacy in your home and relationship. Attending these sessions once a week is ideal. However, the mental health professional can recommend what's most suitable for you and your partner.   

Rekindling intimacy in a relationship that's affected by depression and anxiety requires patience, understanding, and a commitment to emotional and physical connection. These conditions don't have to define the relationship. Fostering positivity, providing emotional support, and encouraging intimacy can allow you and your partner to have a healthy and loving relationship that continues to strengthen daily.