Why Men Often Wait to Reach Out for Counselling
We’re men. We’re told that we’re supposed to tough; that we’re supposed to be able to stand up under just about any pressure. It’s true that we’re strong and resilient but it’s also true that carrying around a message like I Should Be Able to Handle This! can actually rob you of your mental health. Just like everyone else, we have a capacity to handle lots of things in the world but sometimes we forget to monitor ourselves, our energy level – our batteries. It can be hard for us to stop long enough to plug in and recharge.
The Stories We’re Told
Part of what we’re up against as men is the many stories that we’re told about who we’re supposed to be. We’re told that we shouldn’t compain, that no one likes a whiner. We’re told that we don’t cry. We have to pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps before turning around to help everyone else. We’re told that what we produce in the world is what we’re worth and all the while we are told that emotions are weakness and that we shouldn’t show them.
When we do have to show emotion, it seems like the only ways we told that we can express them is through anger, through silence, or if we’re lucky, through making a joke and trying to make light of a hard situation.
Why would any many want to come in to a therapy session and talk about his feelings?
How Do We Know We Should Talk to Someone?
If' we’re not encouraged to talk about our feelings, it’s also true that it can be hard to know the cues that might suggest talking to someone could be helpful. Sometimes, struggle shows up in men as sadness or depression but there are many other ways that it could appear:
Irritability
Withdrawal
Overworking
Increased drinking or numbing behaviors
Conflict at home
Feeling disconnected but not knowing how to say it
You don’t have to be depressed or anxious to start therapy. Instead, any of these may be issues or behaviors that you’d like to see resolved in your life. A counselor can help you identify the things that lead to these behaviors that you’d like to eliminate and develop a plan to do something about it.
Men’s Counseling Can Be A Life Saver
If you hear nothing else, I want you to know this: when men come to counseling, good things happen. Marriages can get better. You can feel recharged. You'r relationship with your family or your kids will most likely improve. You’ll probably drink less, feel stronger, and have a real understanding of what the best possible you can be.
It’s true that doing nothing is easier. Avoiding therapy means that you can put off talking about the hard stuff that causes some of these behaviors to show up in your life. You might feel like you’ll be judged or you’ll lose control. Some men fear that if they open up, they’ll become broken and unable to do all the things they need to do.
That’s not what therapy is about. It’s a place to talk through in practical ways how your feelings impact you and your family and solutions to put in place to make things better. That might mean changing your approach, learning new communication skills, considering someone else’s perspective. But I promise you that when men come to therapy, good things happen.
You don’t have to wait until you hit rock bottom. In fact, I’d suggest you don’t. Our team at Harris Counseling and Consulting is happy to help. Connect with us today and we’ll help show you the good things that can happen when men come to therapy.
