Why does this happen to me?

Why is this happening to me? I often hear this question from my clients when they are in treatment. As a therapist, I can respond in several different ways. The first one is, " I don't know why things happen the way they do." This response is an honest answer that shows the client that you're engaged but humble enough to realize your limitations. The second one is the religious angle which is "God works in mysterious ways." This response acknowledges that there are things in this world we, as the human race, still don't understand. We are to have faith that, in the end, God has a plan. The same goes for the therapist responding, "God doesn't give us any more than we can handle." Another response or responses that a therapist can give a client in therapy regarding this topic is related to the "stop whining and let's move on." or, "It's not that bad when you think about it." "You have dealt with worse." "Why am I always the victim in every scenario?"

In many cases, when I have heard therapists trying to answer this question, I am so confused by this action. Are they trying to bring relief to a client by giving them an answer, or are they so arrogant that they think they have the answer? I don't know. It has been my experience that there are better approaches than this.

The solution is not in the therapist answering the question for the client but in changing the equation of the client's life so that these scenarios are no longer a factor. The therapist would benefit the client by helping the client recognize the behavior pattern and stop it before it fully manifests itself in the client's life. Introducing just one coping tool can help the client change and will empower the client in the long term by applying this technique to adjust their perspective of their life by adding new coping skills and tools.