Managing Depression in Relationships: How Couples Can Support Each Other Through the Struggle L.R. Email Writer

Managing depression in a relationship can be an incredibly challenging experience, whether one or both people have it. However, couples can effectively navigate it together with the right amount of support and understanding. There's no one-size-fits-all process, but the following tips can allow you and your partner to support each other through the depression journey and strengthen your bond while still maintaining your mental health.   

Welcome Open Communication  

Creating a safe and non-judgmental space is crucial to a healthy relationship. Both people need to welcome open communication from the other. Each person should feel comfortable expressing their feelings and emotions, even if the other person may not like hearing what they have to say. It won't always be easy, but that level of respect can go a long way.  

Express Thoughts and Feelings in a Healthy Manner  

Frustration and irritation are two common symptoms of depression. This can often make it challenging to express thoughts and feelings healthily to your partner. It can also be difficult for your partner to respond healthily when their feelings are hurt.  

Both people need to commit to a healthy expression of thoughts and feelings. A big part of this involves learning to breathe, calm down, and gather your thoughts while giving each other space. This can allow for figuring out how to respond calmly and thoughtfully.  

Avoiding blame language, such as using sentences starting with "you" followed by a negative comment, is one of the best things you can do for your relationship. Instead, focus on your feelings and start sentences with "I feel."  

Focus on Positive Actions  

Depression, unfortunately, often comes with feelings of sadness and hopelessness, which is one of the reasons both parties must foster positivity within the relationship as much as possible. Sometimes, in relationships, especially when the couple is together for a long time, it can be easy to fall into the trap of nitpicking, nagging, and forgetting that your partner still wants to hear positive reinforcement from you.  

There are many ways to focus on positive actions individually and together as a couple. For example, be proud of yourself when you accomplish something at work. If your partner has a major professional win, make sure to celebrate that accomplishment as well. Couples should also make it a habit to say please and thank you, even for the smallest tasks, such as taking out the garbage and making a delicious meal.  

Offer Assistance  

Everyone can benefit from having a helpful and thoughtful partner and from being one. However, having depression means there are times when it can be difficult to do even simple daily tasks, such as vacuuming or doing the dishes. Partners need to step up for each other, especially during these times.   

This can include offering assistance for a variety of necessary tasks that may be difficult for the person who has depression to handle at that moment. For instance, if your partner has been dealing with a higher-than-normal level of depression the past few days, you may have noticed they likely haven't been eating much. Get them groceries so they have food on hand for when they start to feel hungry again and make a few of their favorite meals to inspire them to eat and regain their appetite.

Take Care of Your Own Mental Health  

Both parties can't focus so much on the other person that they forget about caring for their mental health. Often, the best way to be able to properly care for someone else in a relationship is to make your own well-being a priority.  

Whether you have depression or your partner does, make sure you're doing activities that you love and that bring you a sense of peace, calm, and happiness. You should be your partner's biggest cheerleader, but you also need to be your primary support system as well.  

Encourage Professional Help   

It's not easy for a couple to navigate depression by themselves, whether one person has the illness or both do. A mental health professional can be invaluable for each person individually and as a couple.

Ideally, both people should go to therapy individually and as a couple. However, if that's not possible, an alternative can still be beneficial, such as seeking professional counseling as a couple to grow and strengthen your relationship.  

A healthy relationship is still possible when one or both people have depression. Having the illness doesn't mean you're unworthy of having a loving and committed partner, nor does it mean you're unable to be one yourself. Patience is key, as is taking accountability and supporting your partner in the best way possible.