Keeping Your Cool: Managing Anger Before—and After—It Boils Over

Everyone gets angry. It’s a normal, human emotion that shows up when we feel hurt, threatened, or overwhelmed. But when anger gets ignored, bottled up, or unleashed without control, it can harm our relationships, our health, and how we see ourselves. The good news? With some practical strategies, you can learn to work with your anger—before it escalates, and even after it spills over.

Here are five ways to manage anger—from early signs to after-the-fact repair.

1. Start Small: Catch Frustration Early

Anger rarely comes out of nowhere. It often starts with irritation, tension, or impatience that builds over time. Learning to recognize the early signs—tight shoulders, short replies, clenched jaw—can help you step in before things get heated.

Try this: Start checking in with yourself a few times a day. Ask: What’s my stress level? Am I holding tension? Am I getting snappy? These mini self-scans help you stay ahead of your anger instead of getting surprised by it.

2. Take Space—Not Just a Deep Breath

You’ve heard it before: “Just breathe.” But when you're already on edge, that can feel impossible. Sometimes, what really helps is creating a bit of distance—from the conversation, the room, or even your phone. Taking a few minutes to cool down can prevent words or actions you might regret later.

Try this: Step outside, splash water on your face, or excuse yourself from the situation. Say something like, “I need a few minutes to collect my thoughts—I’ll come back when I’m ready to talk.”

3. Move Your Body to Move the Anger

Anger is energy—and that energy often needs somewhere to go. Physical movement can be a powerful way to process the adrenaline that comes with strong emotions.

Try this: Go for a brisk walk, chop wood, shoot hoops, or clean something. It doesn’t have to be intense. The goal is to shift the energy in your body so you can come back to the situation more grounded.

4. Find the Feeling Underneath the Fire

Anger is often a surface emotion. Underneath it, there’s usually something more vulnerable—hurt, fear, disappointment, embarrassment. If we can name what’s really going on, we’re more likely to respond instead of react.

Try this: When you're calm, reflect with curiosity: What was I really feeling in that moment? What did I need that I didn’t get? This kind of reflection builds emotional awareness and helps reduce future blow-ups.

5. When You’ve Lost Your Temper: Repair with Honesty and Care

Even with the best intentions, sometimes anger still gets the best of us. Maybe you yelled, slammed a door, or said something you wish you hadn’t. Repairing afterward is key—not just for the other person, but for your own sense of integrity.

Try this: Take ownership without self-shaming. Use words like: “I’m sorry I raised my voice. That wasn’t okay. I was feeling overwhelmed, but I want to handle it differently next time.” Then ask, “Is there anything I can do to make things right?”

Repair isn't about perfection—it's about rebuilding trust and showing that you're committed to doing better.

Final Thoughts:
Anger isn’t something to eliminate—it’s something to understand. When you learn how to tune into your early signs, take space when needed, and make amends when necessary, anger becomes less of a threat and more of a guide.

If managing your anger feels overwhelming or if you’re noticing patterns that are hard to break, therapy can help. At Harris Counseling and Consulting, we work with individuals and couples who want to respond to their anger—not be ruled by it.

You don’t have to do this alone. Reach out today to start building a better relationship with your emotions—and the people around you.